'Too posh to push', that's what everyone said about Victoria Beckham when she opted for a C-section with her babies. Back then, I really didn't have a thought about it, all I saw was that a few weeks later, she was up and about and in her pre-pregnancy clothes. After having a C-section myself, it is so not like that. In many ways, a planned one is easier than an emergency one, but more on that in a minute!
Many of you know that my C-section was not a planned one; after about 16 hours of labour, Jackson's heart rate kept dropping so we were rushed into surgery in a bit of a panic. I can't say that I remember much of the whole thing (apart from the amazing moments, like that first cry, when he was placed next to my head on the table and when I got to hold him for the first time), as I was in and out of sleep, which could have been to do with the spinal block or maybe just the lack of sleep and long labour. For Chris though, it was a horrible experience, as he could hear everything that the doctors were saying and, like he has put it before, suddenly the two most important people in his world were having major surgery.
Afterwards, I did struggle to pick up Jackson too, as he was a big baby weighing at 9lbs 6oz. I had to spend a few days in hospital and Chris wasn't able to stay either, which made it much more difficult because all I wanted was for him to be there and help me through the night. It was much easier when we got home and he would pass Jackson to me for me to breast feed.
Another down side is that the numbness by my scar is still there to this day, I wonder if it will ever go? During the early time in this pregnancy, I would also get a bit of pain around my scar - I always mentioned this to the midwives but I think it was just to do with stretching due to my belly growing.
For me, the emotional side was very difficult too. I always planned to go with the flow with my birth but never did I ever think that I would end up having a C-section. Afterwards, I struggled to cope with the fact that I didn't do it naturally. I felt like a bit of a failure and as though I didn't really do it 'properly'. I knew other people that had similar stories to mine and not for one minute did I ever think that about them though. All I know is that when the doctor said that Jackson's heart rate was dropping in and out, it was a no brainier and there was no other option.
By no means do I think that it is a walk in the park, having a natural birth, but this time around I really want to at least try to do it naturally again. I do think that, when giving birth naturally, you tend to bounce back a bit quicker and I really need to be able to drive and pick up Jackson/take him places, so that he can stick to his routine (so different when you already have a toddler to take care of!).
I can see sooooo many pluses to having a planned C-section; you get to pick the day, therefore you can plan childcare and ensure that you have everything ready, it's generally quicker and you also generally have the baby slightly earlier, as they don't want them to engage because it makes it a little trickier during the operation, which, in late pregnancy, sounds quite appealing! But, out of preference, I think I would always favour doing it naturally. Fingers crossed that I get the type of birth I am after this time but if not, it will be what it will be - I just want a healthy baby to hold and that is enough for me.
By the time you read this I may have already had my baby and you may already know my ending!
Love Sophia xxx